Hawa Ali
University of Minnesota Rochester
Reflections
Do I really have what it takes to succeed? This is a question that many individuals ask themselves when they are faced with challenges in their life. For me, this question has plagued my entire educational journey. When we moved to the U.S following the civil war in Somalia, I was thrown into a world where I had no knowledge of the tools and support it would take to be successful at anything. As the oldest of 9, I was always the first one to go high school, college, etc. Being the first person in almost every aspect of my educational journey made it very difficult for me to be confident and certain about the steps or commitment my educational journey would require. My parents often refer to me as the trail-blazer due to the uncertainty that is often a key component to my educational journey. Yet, at times I felt more like a lone-ranger stuck in a desert with no direction, tools or hope. But I persevered with the help of my family, mentors and through sheer hard work and dedication. I found my direction, tools and hope to pursue a career in medicine. I came to UMR believing that even though I may find myself in the situation of a lone ranger once again, I knew that I could achieve my aspiration with the right resources, patience and time. What I learned during my time at UMR is that in addition to all of those resources, I was missing a key ingredient that most of my peers took for granted: the confidence in my skills and myself to achieve my ambitious goals. During my capstone experiences, the most valuable skill that I learned is how to cultivate and nurture my self confidence in academic and professional settings.
An important component of my capstone experience was to enroll in upper division science and humanities courses. During my three years at UMR, I have become confident and comfortable in asking questions when I did not understand. The skill that I cultivated during my capstone experience was being confident enough to challenge the material presented to me, my professors, and also my peers. In Neuroscience, I remember a lesson where we learned about how communication occurs between two neurons by increasing or decreasing the number of receptors they have amongst each other. We talked about how this was important for propagating signals and how this was the cellular representation of learning. Upon hearing this, I instantly felt uncomfortable. I didn’t understand how we could
Photo credit: I can and I will
easily attribute this simple, little change in two cells to something as complex and profound as learning. I felt extremely nervous as I challenged my professor about how true that statement was. My professor surprised, replied that this was the fundamental process but how it brings about the whole phenomena of learning was yet unclear to science. His response reaffirmed my initial struggle with the concept but more importantly, it reinforced my decision to be confident enough to challenge the material. Another example of how I challenged myself to be confident in the class room setting was by continuously challenging my peers on their views of the world. In the course, Immigrant Effect and Medical Humanitarianism, we often discussed current hot topics such as immigration laws, assimilation, religious and traditional medicine etc. This class was a discussion based class in order to discuss the different perspectives individuals had about these topics. Initially in this class, I felt uncomfortable to challenge some of my peers’ world views and opinions. Regardless, I still took the courage to be confident in asking them follow-up questions about their views which often forced them to think about the origins of their views. I also shared my personal experiences to give them examples of different perspectives in the world. Sometimes, these conversations were not comfortable and I often felt like the representative for all “black”, “brown”, “Muslim”, or “diverse” people in the world. Despite this, I still challenge my peers about their opinions and I welcomed their questions and challenges of my beliefs. Without my capstone experiences, I would have never engaged in such conversations and grown as a person, if I had not cultivated or nurtured my confidence to speak up in class.
Photo credit: Hassan Shaleh
Another integral part of my capstone experience that has challenged me to cultivate and nurture my sense of self-confidence is my research experience with Dr. Lewis Roberts. During this experience, I designed, abstracted and analyzed data concerning liver cancer among Somali Immigrants. To do this research study, I had to learn how to be comfortable enough to ask for help. As a student at UMR, I was so used to having clear directions, answers, and more importantly clear instructors. In the research field, everyone who knew anything about my topic became my teacher. I had to quickly learn how to prioritize and synthesize my questions in order for other people to understand. I had to get over my fear of looking or feeling stupid because of the sheer amount of questions I had.
This was an extremely important skill for me to cultivate quickly because it was essential to helping me understand how to conduct my research project and achieve my research aims. In addition to being forced to become confident in asking questions, I was also forced to be confident in providing answers and presentations based on my research project. Often, I had to do lab meeting presentations in front of my mentor, research and clinical fellows, lab technicians, visiting scientists and graduate students. I still remember my shaking knees, shivering hands, and the overbearing sound of my heart pounding as I gave my first presentation about my research plans. After stumbling through my presentation, my mentor turned to my lab members and asked if anyone had any questions. I was shocked. I was so afraid of what my lab group was going to ask. This experience of having my lab members grill my research project taught me another component of cultivating confidence: the power of admitting what you do not know and your limitations. I quickly learned to master this skill and use it to my benefit. As I got to know many of the members of my lab group, I used this skill to not only let them know of my limitation but to also ask for their help. This proved to be extremely beneficial for me. I also utilized my ability to admit my limitations during my poster presentation at the AACR health disparities conference. Here, I met some of the world renowned disparities researchers from prestigious institutions such as the NIH and the NCI. While discussing with these individuals, there were times when I did not know the answer to their questions. Instead of being embarrassed about it, I used this chance to ask them what they thought and how they would go about answering their own questions. I also found new ideas for my project during these conversations. In the end, I learned many useful skills both academic and social during my research experience but the most important skill that I have developed during this year is the ability to confidently ask, answer and admit my own limitations.